Playing… as a parent or carer

Kiddywinks need no instruction, for them play is as natural as breathing or getting good and grubby. It is us as playmates who need to pause and think about the baggage we bring to it. Play has to be where we make space for our children to really be; but that’s not as easy as it sounds, and it doesn’t sound too easy.

Now the following ruminations are just that, the whole essence of play is that rules are helpful but optional. And, as that’s a rule it too is optional; my personal exception is Sun Tze’s advice to know oneself.

Play as being
There is a tension, all people big and small need to make their own free choices. We have to rely or own instincts when to sit and be, whilst those we care for make discoveries - whether they be for good or ill. If you’ve had any experience of children or childhood, you’ve had those moments where they’re at the edge of their capabilities, be it a high wall for walking, or on the brink of a new skill or new thought. Back as a teacher there was nothing more satisfying then those moments where a class is making their own way and playing with new ideas, they were wobbling but they knew they could. At that moment in play you simply be and let it unfold.

(That reminds me - time soon to be with No1 child whist he works out how to ride his bike)

Play as listening
Those of you who have seen play therapists at work may well have seen this type of thing in action. As part of the initial assessment process ’small world play’ is frequently used. A sandbox with houses, cars, people, animals and small shrubs is presented to the children. Little instruction is given pass encouraging the child to do their thing, as the therapist settles down to watch.
Nearly every child will start, in their own fashion, to unfold a world of their own choosing; with characters and a narrative. Gentle questioning will discover meaning in the world, which gives a little insight into the child’s thoughts, dreams and fears.
Play for us, at home, can do the same kind of thing; with our own experience of our children providing all the qualifications we need to listen. I know though that the trick is not letting our own dreams and fears encroach on our interpretation of what we see.

Play as doing
Luckily though, parents don’t have the role of therapists. We don’t stand as a removed figure making impartial judgements, rather their is a duty of ours to pass our wisdom on to our kids. We can intervene and suggest better paths to play (though we may have to pay the therapist’s bills later). Not to interact is mean; to deprive them of role models or a gentle voice which they can take into themselves and call their own, leaves children adrift, lost and alone.

Nice ideas, so… how?
Now there’s the rub, I know I don’t always get it right; but I’m thinking about it, as you are too. So perhaps we’re moving in the right direction. We can but hope, and save up for our kids shrink bills in the meantime.

tag... play, philosophising